Fall From Grace
by BWANDER
Summary: Usagi contemplates her life after having defeated Chaos.


Fall from Grace  
  
By: Warube  
  
*Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon. She is owned by Takeuchi-sensei.  
  
*Author's Note: What I write about here is something that I do not condone.  
  
However, it seems my muse is being a brat and driving me to writing darker toned  
  
fics. This is told from Usagi's point of view and does paint her as a bit of OOC. What am I saying, this paints her way OOC. Anyway, I'll quit babbling now and get on with the story.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I looked down, the wind brushed my hair to the side. I would find the freedom I  
  
yearned for on the way down. I knew it. I had felt that freedom before, but that had  
  
been months ago. Things had calmed down greatly since then. I was able to lead a  
  
"normal" life.  
  
At first I enjoyed this newfound irresponsibility. No longer did I have to hide behind  
  
the suit. No longer did I have to disappear anytime a monster appeared only to have  
  
to lie to my friends about where I truly was. I was free to pursue my hopes and my  
  
dreams. My senshi were free of their duty as well. Of course I knew that at least my  
  
inner guard would stay by me. They were more than my guard, they were my friends.  
  
No, they were my sisters. The outer guard were more like older siblings who have  
  
moved on before you could get to know them. They would always be there for me  
  
when I needed them, but otherwise they were gone. The only exception seemed to be  
  
Hotaru, but that was because of Chibi-Usa. If it weren't for her, then Hotaru would  
  
have been just like the other three. I have no doubt in my mind about that.  
  
As I said, peace was nice. At least, at first it was. It was after six months that I first  
  
realized how incomplete I truly was. It was as if a part of me had been taken away. I  
  
didn't understand the feeling at first, but slowly it came to me, I missed being Sailor  
  
Moon. I missed the freedom I felt then. I missed the wind caressing my skin as I   
  
leapt from roof to roof on my way to a fight. I missed the true power I felt when I had transformed. I missed everything.  
  
For the first month I just thought I was being silly. I had worked so hard not to have  
  
to fight anymore. To be having these feelings now was insane. It went against  
  
everything I stood for, yet I didn't care. I began to feel as if I would take on the  
  
legions of Hell if it meant I could transform and feel that rush of power. I would feel  
  
complete again, and I knew it. It was then that I started my descent. I would often  
  
transform and roam the city, looking for anything that I could stop. Most of the time  
  
I would find nothing. Occasionally I found a crime happening. Those who I stopped  
  
often were never the same.  
  
My powers were made for attacking monsters, not humans. I have heard rumors of  
  
there being a Sailor Moon ward at Tokyo General Hospital. I have never visited the  
  
hospital, especially as Sailor Moon. If there is such a ward I have no idea. The very  
  
idea, though, repulsed me. If I was causing major harm to ordinary people, then I had  
  
become that which I sought to stop. It was then that I began to take razors to my  
  
wrists. I never let myself bleed enough to cause alarm. The scars were light and were  
  
able to easily blend in with the other lines at my wrists. No one ever asked me about  
  
them, for if they would have then I fear I would have confessed everything.  
  
My friends had begun to notice the change in me by now. My senshi sisters came to  
  
question me one day. They had heard of the ward, and apparently they had gone to  
  
visit it. There they found that the ward did exist and that I was responsible for the  
  
injuries of those there. They told me they felt the same anguish over not using their  
  
powers as I did. They told me they feared for my safety. They told me they feared  
  
for my sanity. It didn't matter what they said, I was determined to continue as I had  
  
been. It was then that they made the most shocking announcement. They wished  
  
for me to hand over my brooch. That which was the source of my power was now  
  
being stripped from me? I told them no. I told them that they had no right to take  
  
what was mine. I told them that I commanded them not to bother me as their princess. They did not listen to me. They took the brooch and with it went the only salvation I had felt in months. By now, it had been nearly a year since I had defeated the ultimate evil, Chaos.  
  
When that meeting was over, I had severed the bonds of friendship and sisterhood  
  
that I had so carefully crafted over the last three years. Since they no longer trusted  
  
me I told them I wished to have nothing to do with them ever again. I told them that I regretted having ever allowed them being awakened. I told them that I would take  
  
away that which was the most valuable to their heart. With that I stormed away from  
  
that accursed shrine. Never again would I set foot upon that sacred ground. Never  
  
again would I sit in the shrine, eating cookies and talking about the latest gossip.  
  
Never again would I see the sweet face of the old, perverted man who ran the place.  
  
He tried only once to cop a feel, and after his granddaughter caught him, he thought  
  
of me more as family than as anything else. He especially thought this after he saw  
  
how close Rei and I were. I know he thought these things because I talked to him  
  
about it. He knew many things he did not ever tell. Like the fact that his grand-  
  
daughter and her best friends were actually the famous sailor senshi. He let it slip  
  
one day, but I promised not to tell the others I knew. I have kept that promise, and  
  
always will. I will make sure of that.  
  
I was finally able to rekindle an old friendship. My best friend, Naru, was able to  
  
return to my life. I never realized how much I truly missed her until we reunited. I  
  
decided then and there that I would never lie to her again. That night I told her I was  
  
Sailor Moon. She didn't take the news quite like I had hoped. She told me she knew I was Sailor Moon, but that I should have trusted her to keep my secret. When I tried  
  
to explain that it was for her safety she interrupted me and told me she didn't care.  
  
She told me that it was all in the past, and not to worry about it. We both embraced  
  
and I felt the love radiating from her. We both had found a small part of ourselves  
  
that had been missing, and neither of us knew it had. Yet, even through all this I still  
  
did not tell her about the razors. The scars were a little more pronounced now, but I  
  
was still able to hide them. I wore long sleeved blouses with buttoned sleeves now.  
  
I had nearly been caught a week before. I had just gotten the bleeding to stop when  
  
my younger brother, Shingo, walked in. He looked at me in confusion for a moment,  
  
and I shared the look with him. However, I know he kept eyes locked on mine, there  
  
was so much hurt there it would have locked anyone's gaze to them. The pain that  
  
was reflected was physical, mental, and spiritual. It was physical because of the  
  
razor cuts that were freshly closed. It was mental because of my want for my powers.  
  
It was spiritual for my yearn for my senshi sisters. I quickly regained my senses,  
  
though and shut the door in his face. It seemed that he snapped back to his senses  
  
as well, because he began to bang on the door and yell at me to get out. I quickly  
  
disposed of the razor and the tissue soaked with my blood. Then I washed my  
  
wrists off with warm water and left the bathroom to him.  
  
For the next month I felt some of the pain ease, and I had slowed down my use of the  
  
razor blades. Naru helped ease my soul's ache that much. However, the pain quickly  
  
returned when she paid me a surprise visit one day. She heard me let out a small yelp  
  
from the bathroom and peeked in to see if I was alright. She saw the blade sitting on  
  
my open wrist and went into shock. Thankfully my family had left just before she had  
  
started yelling. She yelled at me for what I was doing. She yelled at me for not telling  
  
her sooner. She yelled at me for lying about it. She yelled at me for her broken trust.  
  
She never let me have a word in my defense, yet I knew there was no defense for  
  
what I had done to her. I had broken her heart again, and this time I knew I could  
  
never repair it. When she left she told me she never wished to see me again. I felt my  
  
own heart break, and the pain returned then. This time it was worse than before,  
  
though.  
  
Now it is one week after that damned event. For the last week I have taken the blades to my wrists at least twice a day, sometimes three times. I know I cannot go on like this. I yearn for the freedom that I felt when I fought Galaxia. Perhaps my powers lay dormant in me, waiting for some strenuous event to show themselves. I had this whole thing planned out. It had been brewing in my head for some time now, I just had never put it into action. Now, though, it had been in the front of my mind for this last week. I wondered if anyone would try to stop me, but I quickly put that to rest, as I had not told anyone any part of this plan. Everything led up to me standing here at the top of the Tokyo Tower. I looked out over the city I had protected for so long now and once again I yearned for my senshi sisters. This time I also yearned for my best friend, yet I knew neither would come. Those bridges had been burned. I wondered if perhaps something would save me at the last moment. I looked for it. There had to be something worth living for. My friends had all abandoned me. My soul mate was half a world away, and when he found out the things I had been doing, was sure to leave me. It was my entire fault. This whole situation was my fault. If I were not as good at saving the world as I am, then perhaps I would not be here. No, I know that I would never be here if I weren't as good as I am. I would have died a long time ago. The difference is that this time I wouldn't be dying and dooming the world to being ruled or destroyed by a near god being. It would simply be me dying by my own hand, no one else's.  
  
With that thought comforting me I stepped onto the edge of the rail. The wind was  
  
whipping my hair about me a bit more than before. Taking one last breath, I stepped  
  
forward and fell downward. The fall was something that I cannot describe. My hair  
  
flew behind me as it had over a year ago. The wind caressed me and stung me too.  
  
I slowly came nearer to the earth. I saw the images people talk about pass before my  
  
eyes, my life seemed short. That could be because I am only seventeen years old.  
  
At any rate, I began to pray. I prayed to any god that would listen. I prayed that my  
  
powers would resurface and I would be saved. I had just realized how short my life  
  
has truly been and want to live. Of course now it is too late. I am perhaps fifty feet  
  
off the ground and quickly heading down. With my last second I close my eyes and  
  
let out my breath, a small smile forming on my lips. At least now I will be free of pain, and I will have delivered my promise to my senshi sisters.  
  
End  
  
So what do you think? Yes it does have her out of character, yet it stayed true to a  
  
good part of her character. Plus it didn't have the senshi taking her powers for the  
  
usual reason people write about. Alright, now comes the part where I ask you to  
  
review. I said it there, so please do. Ja ne. 


End file.
